Conversations with parents about money can feel awkward at best — and invasive at worst. If you haven’t had one, you’re not alone: One study found that 73% of adult children haven’t had a detailed talk with their parents about finances. But knowing where things stand — and what their wishes are — can help prevent difficulties down the road. Here are some tips to help you navigate these conversations.
Start Small and Slow
So how do you actually get the ball rolling without making it too uncomfortable? Consider approaching it as a series of casual chats rather than one big serious talk. Maybe start by just finding out who their financial advisor is. You can even ask a leading question such as, “I recall that you have a financial advisor. I’m thinking about hiring one. Can you tell me what they do for you and how it’s worked out?” The next time, you might learn where they keep important papers. Approach the conversation with compassion, treating it as an act of love and responsibility. Ideally, all siblings should be part of the discussion — but not all family dynamics allow for that. Use good judgment about taking steps to avoid misunderstandings later on.
What You Should Know
The specific information you’ll need will vary depending on your family’s circumstances. But in general, there are several key things you should know about.
Begin with the basics. Do they have enough income? Are they struggling to make ends meet? You don’t necessarily have to obtain detailed bank statements; but knowing what accounts they have (e.g., pension, retirement, investment, savings accounts, credit cards, etc.) can be a good first step. Most of all, first aim to understand whether they’re covering basic expenses or might need help. And be alert for any signs of financial exploitation, especially if there are any cognitive issues.
Find out where things are. Suggest a safe deposit box or other secure place for their important documents and, if possible, ask them to give you access to it in case of an emergency. Some key documents to be aware of include:
- A will.
- Advance care directives.
- Trust documents.
- Health care proxy.
- Durable power of attorney.
- Deeds to property.
- Car titles.
- Life insurance policies.
- Long-term care insurance policies.
- Military records.
- Birth certificates.
- Tax returns.
- HIPAA authorization for someone to access medical information.
- Key accounts and digital passwords.
- Social Security card and Medicare/Medicaid information.
Keep in mind that a power of attorney terminates upon the death of the person granting it, so doing things like transferring property titles, adding beneficiaries to accounts and so on should be done before there’s a crisis. A Financial Professional may suggest a trust or other estate planning instrument based on your individual situation.
Ask who their people are. Their doctors, attorneys and financial advisors are key contacts. Try to obtain their contact information. An early introduction to them, even brief, can also be helpful.
When They Just Won’t Talk
All families are different, and some might not feel inclined to share sensitive financial data. Sometimes bringing in a neutral third party — whether it’s a Financial Professional, lawyer or even a trusted doctor — can make these conversations easier by taking the pressure off the children to say or ask more difficult things.
The Bottom Line
By approaching these talks with genuine care and respect for your parents’ autonomy, you’re not just preparing for some distant future scenario. You can strengthen your relationship right now and show them that their well-being matters to you. Consult with your own Financial Professional to learn more about how to provide supportive guidance for your parents and make sure plans are in place to help protect their future.